And the winner is…

I get a certain twisted pride knowing I have to lose more weight than most anyone else on the weight loss message boards I’ve visited. I can almost hear myself thinking, “Oh, you only have to lose 80 lbs? Pah-shaw! I have to lose 210 lbs. Neener-neener!”

I can’t help feeling some sort of superiority knowing my obstacle is so much greater than everyone else’s, as though my weight loss is thus much more of an accomplishment and I am thus a much cooler, better person than the guy who only had to lose 40 pounds. It’s very grade-school of me, yet I can’t help it.

In middle school we’d do the same thing with our glasses. You’d switch glasses with somebody to find out who had the worst vision. I won this game most of the time too, though every now and then I’d run into somebody with magnifying glass lenses who would TKO me. I’d usually win though because things start to get blurry about a foot away from my face. I wouldn’t even be able to read the computer monitor without glasses. If this were the Dark Ages they’d probably just crack me up as stupid because I wouldn’t be able to read anything. Of course if this were the dark ages, I’d probably be some serf who they wouldn’t bother to teach how to read anyway. I probably wouldn’t be fat though because a serf’s diet must have sucked. Malnutrition – it makes you thin.