October 20, 2004 at 8:02 pm
I’ve decided it’s time I ended this abusive relationship. You go by many names – Soda, Pop, Coke – but no matter what you call yourself, you’re no good for me. Oh, sure we had some good times. I loved your sweet flavor on my taste buds, the cold chill of you running down my throat, and the alert buzz of your caffeine. You’re bubbly fizz has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.
But I see now your flaws outweigh any positive traits you may have. You’ve made me fat. You make my saliva slightly more acidic. You’ve made my teeth holier than Mother Theresa. Plus, you never haul your own weight. I have to lug you in heavy bottles and boxes of cans into my grocery cart, onto the conveyor belt, back into the grocery cart, into my trunk, and then into the house.
I’m with Water now. It’s free and good for my skin. I will always love you soda, but I can no longer be Dr. Pepper’s bitch.